oh god it seems gloom is looming large.wherever i see,i look,all i find is gloom.the weather is sultry and everyday comes with the hope of a shower,the first rains and every night it disappoints.every news channel and the headlines in the newspaper talk only about the upcoming elections,and it reminds me of the impending gloom...the corruption,the dirtiness,the bitching,the chaos.every tv program is packed in with low I.Q stuff and every documentary documents the societ's evil tendencies and practices.every movie i have seen recently have been grim.

god is there any way out of this.this gloom is shutting out the light of happiness that i so badly hold around me.i have got to do something soon,before i lose my sanity.

i have to find a reason to laugh,an excitement to giggle,with my friends.i am in search of the next new thing thats piques my curiosity and has the tenacity to last a few months till the rains comes in,till the elections is over..all the puppet show ends and we smirk at the new government and the documentaries talk bout better,happier days,and the movies i c are light hearted but touch a chord nevertheless.

and i need the reason fast..real fast.
i have had enough of this darkness,partial or otherwise

Maternal instincts

I was doing a short term course in risk management in hyderabad.my parents had earlier gone and selected the women's hostel for me.my mom set the room allrite,did everything possible so that i did not need to go to the bank,the market or the stationery shop for almost a month.

then she left.i was all alone in the city.a strange city all by myself.i was afraid and apprehensive but as days passed,life moved on,i made a new circle of friends and forgot the apprehension and fear i had felt when she left.

during my exam time i had to change hostels .i went and settled in a different room.had too much in my mind to bother about how homely the room looked.and life went on.

till my mom came in the middle of second semester.she stayed for just a day,and spent eaxcatly 3 hours in my room.and suddenly the room felt like the real home.all things organised,clean,it smelt of the familaiar scent.
and that's when it struck me that all these days i was actually away from home.that i was living not in a place that was quintessentially home.

and even now when im staying with my mom,it still takes her effort to clean up my room every weekend to make me feel the feeling of vintage home.

mom's actually have that touch of the magic wand to create the magic.

now this scares me.im a woman and will hopefully eventually become a mom.and then i will be the one who would be supposed to weave this magic.

and it scares the living daylights outta me.

i had recently gone into the self introspecting mode and then i had this enormous relief after i was out of that mode.then i have been into reading,mostly blogs and i have come to a sort of conclusion.

it is often told that a good read offers one with a lot of insights and provides one with a lot of food for thought and therfore is very enlightning and productive.the more ,they say the more you read good stuff the more you connect to that elusive higher plane[whatever taht is!!]

i read good stuff coz i like reading.and i like watever connects with me,higher plane or otherwise.
but i do have a feeling no maater what kind of good stuff i read,and no matter how much i love it and no matter how much i relate to it,and appreciate it,somewhere i cannot excatly recreate the magic in my writings or come anywhere close to the "good" writing i so enjoy in the reads that i like.

the typical metaphorical descriptions,the exact pain,suffering or heartbreak articulated,the exact vulnerable feelings described,the most obvious train of thoughts at passage of some event..

when i read them it seems so easy.it seems im just there and it's so normal.and yet when it comes to writing them it eludes me so badly.

i wish i could ascribe this to "writer's block" only that this seems to persist unendingly.

god i have been in this self introspecting mode and then i read someone's blog [again!!..yes..]a whole big story,nicely written with vivid imagination at its best nd the smallest of detail documented.
however i feel exhausted.too much thinking? perhaps..

nyways i have come to this conclusion..i love reading be it any genre.i enjoy it ,i can relate to it.i also consider that if i really want i can write in a descriptive manner so that the reader exactly gets d feel of the circumstances described.however to bring myself to write like that is an exhaustng thought.

how wierd!!!but who cares at least i enjoy nd looove[lowe] reading..hurray to that!!!

nd now i will see episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S to rejuvenate myself...

oh badi oh bada..tringa linga ling!!!

just a passing thought

i have this sudden urge of being this nice good girl.and i always have these urges to be my reformed self when there is something i want badly to happen and this is how i bribe GOD.i always have this stupid baseless feeling that if i transform myself into this diciplined impeccable harworking girl,GOD would be pleased and hence grant me my wish.

i do know im being stupid but somehow cant beat the urge.so now i will gear up for transformation and pray hard till i get my results.and then i can go back to my lazy lamhe days.

wicked,wicked me!!!

random

when i started to blog i used to be very careful not to write in sms English.and to maintain tht grammar as we have been taught to do in school.as in put punctuation marks nd start a sentence in caps blah blah.
i have eventually realised d editing is very time consuming and dat is wat takes my desire to post a blog away.so i have decide all im gonna do is just type,with d basic thing being readable,and not care about d proper editing.
at least that way i will blog,which is far more important than not blogging.afterall something is better than nothing,as they say

tennis

federer versus nadal!!!

gosh roger federer was my ideal man wen he first came to d court. he swept the tennis ball nd swept me off my feet too.here was a good player ,a promising talent nd quite a looker.

and then came nadal.sheer force..d quintessential underdog.i only noticed him wen he was challenging federor's top position.And then tat fantastic match happened.nd he earned that victory.

and i was left with mixed feelings.here was a 22 yr old dynamite player sweeping off all glories nd there was federor my favorite.

I'm still so confused.every time nadal wins d match after both of them playing equally hard,I don't know whether i should be happy for nadal's win or sad for roger's loss.albeit i enjoy the match but the result always confuses me.

:(
sigh

i think im feeling down!!!! and perhaps why i feel almost a necessary tug to blog rightaway.not that i havent had enough reasons to blog in these past months..but whenever a important thing happened i got too engrossed in it so as to blog later and when the events passed it seemed trivial anyways.:(


but im feeling dwn now and cannot fathom why.maybe it's the premonition that a thing i had a positive feeling about wont conclude that way.i really dunno y im getting dat feeling.no logical explanation to it.just a gut feeling,and a bad or negative one at that. :(

btw i was reading someone's blog and honestly the content was so so very good that instead of enjoying the read i started feeling so very incapacitated.so very insignificant in comparison to the in depth knowledge and talent the person has.

im not being jeolous,no im not jeolous.i did enjoy the read but i have to admit..gosh im such a mundane ,zero talented person.shucks !!it hurts