WIShes

I so wish sometimes I was very ,very dumb..I so wish I could never get what the other person is telling is not true,that the person doesn't mean a word..I so wish I could not see through the facade..I so wish I could fall in love with the most imperfect mean guy who just looks dashing and is intelligent and sweeps me off with a gregarious sense of humor and amazing poetry,who would dump me ..cause me emotional anguish and leave me with a broken heart and wounded pride..I so wish I could then make sense of all the soppy love songs..I so wish I could wail out loud,scream in despair,loathe myself ...I so wish I could then finally pick myself up,dust off the dirt,wipe off the tears and make a whole new beginning..

I so want to wipe my slate clean and begin afresh..not because I loathe my life-I don't,on the contrary I quite like it..but I'm aching to make that new beginning after the decay..to start something after everything is ruined..

But alas that's not to be..I don't know why I have to get the truth behind everything people say with sugar coating,Don't know why i have to see through the facade..and I don't know why most importantly I have to guard so fervently my precious heart...I so wish i could set it free,leave it unprotected and not stand guard like a bird so ferociously guards her little ones..I so want to know how it feels to be heartbroken in love,to make sense of all the sad songs in the world ,to touch a chord somewhere and I'm so disappointed about the fact that I can't let go..